I've Got Something

I do believe things are looking up....

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 22:19:50 GMT

I was prescribed another medication, and it works so much better than the crap I had before. Thank God.

Yesterday I went downtown to pick Keith up at work on Temple's campus, and then we went to the student center to play some pool. I lost, of course, but whatever. We then hopped on the train and got close to Center City. We walked down to South Street and then got some DIVINE pizza from Lorenzo and Sons. Not kidding, a slice of pizza is bigger than the size of a human face. Freaking nuts, but freaking delicious. Came home and then just hung around like bums because obviously we were so full.

Today I (and mom) decorated 90% of the house. We just need to do the kitchen and little tidbits around the house. I'm not including the tree here since that's separate, and we'll be doing that next weekend. WOO. That's mostly me too. I'm the self-proclaimed house decorator. Since I have a good groove, it doesn't really take all that long to dress up the house now.
Now Jen, Rob, and Jason are over, and now we're going to have a huge family dinner (Thanksgiving style) in about an hour or so. I'm so super duper hungry, even though I had 2 1/2 monstrous Lorenzo slices yesterday.

Tomorrow I have to go shopping with dad and then study/do papers. Shouldn't be so bad, I guess.

It sucks

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 07:56:04 GMT

I have so many things to write about in here, and it just seems like I either put it off, forget that I want to write about it, or I have all of these other things that I have to do so I can't sit down for a long time and write about whatever is going through my head. Not just that, I'm usually talking to people online and I get easily distracted if it's more than one person and it's nearly 3AM. The only logical reason why I'm up this late on a Wednesday morning is because I didn't get enough sleep the night before and the sleep that I've already gotten has been treated like a nap, so I'm basically screwed if I want a good night's sleep to stay awake for my two classes in the morning.

Lately I've been getting way more depressed about stuff, and it's definitely the stupid kind of stuff. I mean, life with Keith is amazing, and since Christmas is coming, I'm DYING to know what he's getting me. He knows the one gift I'm giving him (I couldn't get it by his birthday, so I wound up telling him, stupid me) but the other thing I'm giving him should be a decent enough surprise. Not only that, my life with my family seems ten times better, and I'm actually getting along more with my dad. I normally don't talk to him about many personal issues, but that's changed over the past month or so. It's really strange, but I'm glad it's turning out like this. I don't want him to just be my dad, I want him to be my friend too.

I have approximately 5 more classes to sit through and then my exams begin. My media writing class is already finished, and I don't have a final in philosophy (THANK. GOD.) so I won't have to worry about those two classes. Right now, I'm just worried about biology. My lab final is tomorrow and my lecture final is the week right after that (the 10th) so I'm going to be studying nonstop for that. I stupidly have to go in on the 15th at night to hand in all my stuff for desktop publishing and it's going to be the most boring thing ever, considering that I have an 8 AM final for public relations the next morning. That, my friends, really is "teh suck." Aside from that though, that is IT, and this semester from the third level of hell will be OVER.

I was thinking about trying out for a show in two weeks. A stage group that a few of my friends are in are performing Jesus Christ Superstar and I was thinking about trying to get a small part in it. Sucks that I have no music books though. I'm definitely going to have to ask my friend for a book...hopefully someone has Les Miserables or something that I'm familiar with. I honestly don't feel like doing Wicked. I did two songs from that my junior and senior year of high school and I don't think those songs are going to get me anything decent in other shows now. I'm just going to try my hardest. I bet my parents would be happy even if I got a small part. I really need to get more involved and get out of the house. No lie, my house is driving me bonkers.

WTF I need to get up at 6:30... c'mon internal clock, stop being retarded. I mean, I'm talking to Jenna and all, but there is no way in hell I'm running on 3 hours of sleep again.

Oh yeah, and...

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 16:21:38 GMT

Against my best judgment, I now have a Twitter page.
Doesn't mean I won't be writing in here anymore, but I'm just saying.

http://www.twitter.com/failboat_dock

PS - I'm making kickawesome pumpkin muffins today. I seriously hope they taste better than the ones they sell at Dunkin' Donuts. Surpassing something that is already awesome would really make my day so much better. I think they'll automatically be better since they won't have a crumb topping and have cream cheese icing put on top of them. NOMMMMMM

She is my hero.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 04:15:08 GMT

....and the WWE is slamming her because she's "fat."
Absolutely ridiculous. Look at this. Does she look fat to you?

Doing Matthew Bellamy

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:01:12 GMT

You picture this guy

Then you close your eyes and listen to this:

...and you could swear you just had sex with this guy.

That is exactly how I felt after listening to this song for the first time. Wow.

"I'll be in touch" ("YOU SAID THAT TWO MONTHS AGO")

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:29:22 GMT

Yeah, my public speaking professor said that to me in passing yesterday about the speech he wants me to do in the spring. If he wants me to fix it up, I need to know what I gotta do for it.
Oh yeah, and this morning was surprisingly strange, random, awesome, and frustrating in the strangest of places. More on that tonight when I'm not in class!

So...where were we?

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 01:47:43 GMT

Okay, so it's been about six weeks away from here, and so much has happened since then. I'm 19 now (WOO), and I'm a licensed driver as well ^_^. Good times. However, there have been some crap times too. I've gotten into fights with two people and I'm no longer talking to them, which I've gotten over. Honestly, I was a wreck for a good three days over these two people, and you know what? I finally realized how silly that was and how much I've grown up over this.
Aside from that, school's been okay aside from philosophy which I seriously regret taking at all this semester. I hate my professor, he's a real ass, and he makes me feel so stupid and that I can't write to save my life (I'm a communications major, mind you. What did he graduate with a degree in? Physics. That's right, like he knows how to write). He seriously pushed me to the verge of tears not only 2 weeks ago, but last week, and today. It's pissing me off so much. On the other hand, I've been doing really well in biology which is amazing because it's better than I had originally thought (thank God) and all of my other classes have been cake so that's been really good.

So as I wrote below, Keith and I celebrated our one year anniversary yesterday. It's been a rocky one--we've had our arguments, we've had our anger spells and whatnot, but guess what? We got through them, we're stronger, and I have complete faith in someone that will actually listen to me when I talk to him either about miscellaneous things or personal things that I need to get off my chest. It feels so good. Not to mention, I also started seeing a psychologist about my problems. It's been helping me out a lot, and I can tell I'm getting better. I visited my old counselor Diana a few weeks ago and she could tell I was doing much better (not to mention that I lost weight). Sure, I have my setbacks and I crash every so often, but I'm getting through them much more smoothly, and I have supportive people getting me through this. Like my mom said on her Facebook (no, I'm serious, she has one now) things are really looking up.

Bio lab report: done
Media writing final: starting up soon
School days until exams: 11 (WOO)
Keith's birthday: tomorrow...unable to give him gifts until Thursday because of school/his job

Let this nuts week officially begin.

One year

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:41:10 GMT

It's been one hell of a year with him.

Remember when I wrote in here?

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:52:45 GMT

So much crap has happened in the past six weeks. No lie. It's a lot. Am I ever going to write about it? Possibly, but in nutshell form.

"You're wrong."

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:41:03 GMT

Honestly, I never welcomed those words before, but today I so did and I was excited about it.
I have this "curse" kind of thing where that I'll get one question wrong on a quiz/test regardless of whether it was easy or hard, and surprisingly enough I got a 100 on my biology quiz today. I swear to you, whoever reads this, this week is good. VERY. GOOD. So yeah, it's been great. I don't necessarily thank the Lexapro for it, because none of this has to do with my moods--frankly, this is a week full of luck--but I do have to thank my mom and Keith for putting up with me when the time came to. Keith brightened me up a lot last night, especially when I was worried about my test on Thursday (which I will be studying for once I'm done typing this out) and we watched Australian Rules Football together. It was awesome.
Seriously guys, things are looking up for me, and it's amazing.

Oh, and guess what.
19 days until I'm 19! Hoo-RAH.

This already feels like the best week ever.

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 12:26:55 GMT

Okay, so yesterday.
I went to a surprise party for Meg's boyfriend Chris which was basically a huge reunion of sorts. I seriously talked to Caite (whom I haven't seen face-to-face since July) for a good three hours. Everyone was in the living room hanging out and talking, while the two of us were sitting in the dining room bringing up old memories and catching up with what's been going on lately. It just felt really good. She told me she might me transferring to Holy Family (where me and Meg go) and we were both hella excited, so we hope she applies and gets accepted there.
Last night sucked, although I got to talk to Keith and found out he was doing much better. That was the good highlight (along with watching Family Guy, which was sort of okay). The rest of the night I felt lousy and just wanted to go to bed but I couldn't sleep, so when all else fails, talk to mom. I talked to her for a good hour and it helped so much.
This is where I think the week nearly hits its pinnacle.
This morning I got up--it took me forever, but I did it--and I grabbed my snack for later on and I left. Not only do I grab both buses early and got to school early to do all of my morning computer checks, I find out that my philosophy class was canceled!! (PS - The school email was down last night, so it wasn't like I could find out until this morning anyway) WOOOOO...now I have nothing to do for another hour. This week would be truly awesome if my second class got canceled, but I'm not gonna push that. It's not that I hate the class or anything, but it would be decent to know so I can get home at a half decent time. Besides...I forgot to take my Lexapro. XD

Seeing Keith this afternoon. Totally have to empty my trash bin in my room before then. Watch me not do it because I'm a retard.

I feel like crap

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 02:12:24 GMT

I'll tell you how my awesome day went tomorrow when I don't feel like crapolla and depressed since I'll have the reminder that Keith is coming to see me after work tomorrow. Thank God for these people: (in no particular order)

Mom
Dad
Jason
Keith
Caite
Meg

These guys helped me out today. Caite especially.

Lexapro and The Resistance

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 05:25:22 GMT

So Thursday night I got my first primary doses of Lexapro to give myself a push and beat my depression. However, a stupid thing I have to do is to get an appointment to get tests done on my thyroid, because that could be a cause for all of this. Bull. My thyroid is fine. Whatever.
Friday I saw my psychologist again and he's really helping me out. I went to music ministry after that (I started taking my meds that morning) and I did the Ice Cream and Cake dance (my friend didn't upload the video yet). Keith came over later on that day and we ordered 50 hot wings. I ate 17....he ate the rest. However, that night, he was starting to run a fever, and he was blowing his nose more often than he usually does, so we took him home.
He calls me around noon yesterday sounding incredibly stuffy and told me he left work early and he was just going to get some rest. He called me about three more times after that asking how I was; I was more like "Me? How are you doing?" Jason came over and we watched TV and had dinner, and later on me and my mom watched videos and looked at pictures on cuteoverload.com. It had to have been the most fun ever.
Now I'm listening to Muse's new album The Resistance. Holy crap it's amazing. I love it.

Weeeeeeeek-end.

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 17:04:47 GMT

I totally forgot how much it sucked having blinds instead of shades in your bedroom because of last night. There was a big thunderstorm that rolled through, and there were blue flashes every 20 seconds or so. Yeah, it sucked.
I had class this morning, and during lunch I talked to [not boyfriend] Keith, Jerry, and this woman Sr. Maria Kim that I have philosophy with. I swear to God, she is such a sweet person. I need to sit next to her on Monday or something--just so I can have some sanity and not royally flip out during class.
I have bio in about a half hour and then I'm gonna head home, crash, and then see [real boyfriend] Keith! ^_____^

I pretty much just wet my pants right now.

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 20:50:32 GMT

Holy effing crap on a stick.
rajah.com/base/node/17220

He's totally gay if he wears a toe ring. Yep, he is.

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 16:12:07 GMT

Yesterday sucked. Bad. Don't get me wrong, there were awesome points about it, but the bad stuff seemed to heavily outweigh the good for some stupid reason.
Media writing was just downright boring enough to sleep through, and then I had Pi-Gers (which was okay, thank God). I love being with those guys. It's just good times, even with a nun around. :-P I had bio lab after that, and that was just ridiculously stupid. I ended up getting Sudan IV dye on my hands and I looked like I had a rash for the next two hours. I talked to some guy Keith (not boyfriend Keith) and we watched ESPN and whatever, and then I went to drama club (yeah, I was busy, strangely enough) where we met new people and for some reason I was making people laugh more than usual. It's strange, yes. I've never been so humourous before. So then I talked to a guy Andrew (from philosophy class) and then I headed to my last class--you know, it's the world's worst class to ever be conceived by any college in the whole universe--desktop publishing. Bad enough he goes so incredibly slow, I finish the lesson on my own time, and I have a good hour and a half to spare in my class. It was torture. He then gave me an assignment, which took me ten minutes to finish, and then I still sat there....with nothing to do...wanting to blow my brains out...it was just...bad. He finally said I could go, and then as I waited for my mom to pick me up from school Keith (the boyfriend Keith) texted me, and absolutely brightened the whole rest of the night. I was literally melting everywhere in the campus center where I got it, in my car, in my living room--hell, in my kitchen--it was seriously a neverending meltfest. It was just great because I was exhausted, and I had to get up in another nine hours to get back to school, and his text message knowing how he cares about me just made me feel so much better, and I didn't know how to explain that to him at all. We talked again online, and he helped me a little bit with my paper, and as I'm still trying to figure him out, I'm still battling the ever so relentless depression that I'm either A - being annoying or B - being insanely clingy and stupid. I don't know. One thing I learned from my depression: whatever my brain thinks at the current time, it is the absolute opposite 99.9% of the time.
So yeah, I went to bed around 12:30, and I woke up at 6 to take a shower and run off to the bus stop. I talked to a girl Melissa who is a senior now at Hubert's (I'm old) and then a classmate Michelle just to keep myself occupied on the bus. Philosophy sucked so bad today, and the toe ring thing above is about him. He's a total flamer now. It's so dead obvious. I did surprisingly well on my Public Relations test from last week (96). Another thing I learned about myself: I always seem to make the dumbest mistake that will keep me from getting a 100 on a test--getting one of the easiest questions wrong. So after PR I went to Wawa to get a turkey flatbread (I'm in love with them for some reason. It's worse than the ciabatta obsession of '07) and I came back since I have to water plants for my biology group project and I have music ministry at 12:30. Good times.

Okay, but not awesome

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:33:46 GMT

you bring me happiness

Yesterday I went to the restaurant festival in West Chester with my mom since my brother was doing the radio show and there was going to be a buttload of food there. The highlight of that... I got my pulled pork sandwich. In one word: heaven. We got home around 5 and since I wasn't feeling well (thank you, mother nature) I took a nap for about an hour. I woke up ending up feeling worse and I figured I should have a banana or something. I tried doing my philosophy paper again (which didn't work) and Keith calls me and asks how my day went. I then went upstairs and watched some of the Emmys, and I talked to Keith again online. My God, he's a sweetheart. In short, I wasn't able to do my work last night because I was too lazy to do it.
This morning I woke up really sick, bad cramps, and just about losing everything that's been in my stomach for the past two days. Not awesome. I emailed my two professors, and they haven't gotten back to me. Again, not awesome. Keith just called me asking me how I was and I told him, and he said he wanted to visit me, but that's going to wait until Thursday now. Honestly, Thursday will feel like tomorrow by the way my weeks have been going lately...although Tuesdays do seem to go rather slow, which is not fun at all. I don't know. I don't have the strength to do any bio or my philosophy paper, and I need to get all of this done soon. I'm probably going to take another nap and when I get up I'll hit the books rather hard.

Oh, I watched this on Friday, and I practically cried like a baby for no apparent reason.

She makes me feel fat. Really, really fat. Ugly too.

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 03:07:44 GMT

She makes people like me want to become a hermit due to the fact that she's:
A - Skinny
B - Flat out looks like a supermodel
C - She's got trailer-trash intelligence/language

Excuse me while I practice purging or attempting to jump out my window in pure hatred of myself and people like her.

This week in review, Ten months

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:27:59 GMT

Okay, it's been a week since I tried typing out what happened last Monday and it totally didn't work out since the iMac I was working on at the time took me into an advertisement when I didn't want it to. So anyway, here's the past week in review.

Monday: Went to Keith's cousin's house for Labor Day. I was really nervous about it but I think I did an okay job in being polite and part of the crowd. Keith was pretty excited, so I guess I did alright. :) That night a circuit blew in my bedroom so i didn't have electricity in my room for another day. It sucked. A lot.

Tuesday: Had the massive school marathon. Desktop publishing is without doubt the most boring class I ever sat through. It's horrible.

Wednesday: Not much to say here, just that I met a few new people waiting to water the rye grass for a group lab report in bio.

Thursday: I was pretty much nervous the whole day, practically telling everyone in my class that I had my license test the next day. Keith came over and I couldn't stop thinking about it that I practically drove myself nuts.

Friday: The most horrible day of the week. I was supposed to take my driving test, but since it was raining so hard they wound up canceling it. Get this: I already practiced in the pouring rain and I still had to pay my $70 just because I was there. Bull. I was upset the whole day, and Keith came over to try and cheer me up. Didn't really work all that well, but he tried, and I thank him for that.

Saturday: I went to see Julie and Julia with mom, and I thought it was a really good movie. Meryl Streep never ceases to kick ass and take names when she's in movies. You close your eyes, and you totally thought she was Julia Child. Anyway, we came home, I stayed in my room upset because my dad told me he set up an appointment with a psychiatrist and I really don't want to do that since I'll feel like a crazy person and I'll feel like a druggie because I'll probably be described medication to dope me up and not feel anything. I hated telling Keith that once he came over, but if I want this relationship to work out and if I want him to respect me as I am and help me through this, then I have to be honest with him and tell him everything. He was fine with it. I was shocked as hell. We watched wrestling, did a little homework, and he went home.

Sunday: I slept, ate, did homework, cleaned, and watched the Phillies. Good times.

Monday: Awesome. School was great, I got home early, slept, did some homework, saw Keith, watched Aussie Rules Football, and won a Philliesphans CBC. Good times again.

Yesterday: Sucked even more. I shouldn't even have to mention it: My Tuesdays suck. I did happen to buy the Julie and Julia novel yesterday though so that was kinda cool I guess. PS - I'm so gonna quit our drama club even though I'm the secretary. This is bullshit that I don't like feeling being a part of.

Today: Crapolla. My classes weren't that great, it was rainy, I'm still feeling really sick, and I had to stay there until 1:30 and do stuff.

Yeah, yesterday was 10 months with Keith too. Rather uneventful I guess, but things will get better, I hope.

Maybe if the circuit connecting to my room didn't blow out last night...

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:41:30 GMT

...I would talk about how yesterday went with me going to Keith's cousin's house for Labor Day.
But I can't do that right now. Why? I'm in the mac lab, attempting to study for a biology lab quiz that is in about an hour. Well this sucks.

After 4 weeks...

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 22:00:01 GMT

My room is finally finished.

I'm moving back in tonight. I won't be camping out in my living room anymore!! Woo hoo!!!!!

This--is what happiness looks like.

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 01:01:57 GMT

I jinxed myself.

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 04:05:36 GMT

I've never been so depressed in my life.

One last comment...

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 04:24:44 GMT

I haven't been depressed in the past 6 days.
Things are looking up!

Nightclass, Wayne's World, Love, and Baseball

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 04:22:31 GMT

Tuesday was my first night class, and I'm telling you one thing, it is going to be the most boring class I'm ever going to sit through. Bad enough it's three hours, y'know? Anyway, I talked with this guy Nick and a girl Kristie that I also have classes with, so it did go by pretty quickly. I got home and I was tired as hell so I took a quick shower, called Keith, and then went to bed.
Wednesday I put up with my philosophy professor's bullshit, and then survived public relations. Sang at mass (terribly) and then went home and did a little homework. Keith came over and we watched the Phillies game and after that we watched Man v. Food. He went home and then I watched some wrestling videos with Stephen and I went to bed.
Today was surprisingly good. Media writing went well, biology went even better, and then I hiked home, did cleaning and took a shower before Keith came over. We ordered out, watched the Phillies, and then he went home.
We're supposed to do something tomorrow since the both of us don't have class and he doesn't have work, so I'm looking forward to that.
:) I love him.